According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My daughter and Son In Law shamed me for getting a tattoo at 75. I decided to give them a lesson
It was a sunny morning in New Orleans, and Elis, at 75, decided to do something bold and unexpected. The idea of getting a tattoo had been bubbling in her mind for a while. She wanted to feel young again, to embrace life with a fresh sense of vigor. So, she walked into a tattoo parlor, chose a delicate design that symbolized her resilience and love for life, and got inked. She felt a rush of excitement and satisfaction as she admired the artwork on her arm. This was her statement to the world: age was just a number.
The Unexpected Backlash
Excited to share her new tattoo, Elis invited her family over for a small gathering. She imagined their surprise and hoped for a positive reaction. However, the moment her daughter saw the tattoo, her face twisted in disapproval.“Mom, what on earth were you thinking?” she exclaimed. “At your age, getting a tattoo is not just inappropriate, it’s downright embarrassing. You’re supposed to be a dignified grandmother, not some rebellious teenager. It looks ridiculous, and people will laugh at you.”For Illustrative Purpose OnlyElis felt a pang of hurt, but what followed was even worse. Her son-in-law, whom she had always treated like her own son, burst into uncontrollable laughter. He laughed so hard that he could barely stand, tears streaming down his face.“That’s hilarious, Mom! Seriously, a tattoo at your age?” he managed to say between fits of laughter. Elis’s heart sank. It wasn’t just the words; it was the cruel mockery that hurt the most. She felt humiliated and deeply wounded by their reactions.
Planning the Perfect Payback
Determined not to let their harsh words and laughter define her, Elis decided to turn her pain into power. She recalled how her son-in-law, a man who did nothing but dream of becoming a millionaire while relying on her daughter for everything, had hurt her deeply. This was the final straw. Elis resolved to teach him a lesson he would never forget.Over the next two days, Elis meticulously planned her revenge. She decided to expose her son-in-law’s laziness and lack of ambition in a way that would be both humiliating and eye-opening for him. She reached out to a few of her friends who were skilled in various trades, including one who was an excellent actor.
The Day of Reckoning
Two days later, Elis put her plan into action. She invited her family over again, this time under the pretense of needing help with some household repairs. Her son-in-law, always looking for an excuse to avoid real work, reluctantly agreed to come.When they arrived, they found Elis waiting with a toolbox and a list of chores that needed to be done. She handed the list to her son-in-law, who looked bewildered.“What’s this?” he asked, confused.“I thought you could help out with these tasks,” Elis said sweetly. “After all, you’re always talking about how handy you are.”For Illustrative Purpose OnlyHe glanced at the list, which included tasks like fixing the leaky faucet, repairing a broken fence, and rewiring a lamp. He looked around, realizing there was no way he could do any of these tasks.Just as he was about to protest, Elis’s friend, the actor, arrived dressed as a professional contractor. He introduced himself and began to demonstrate how to tackle each task, making it look easy. The son-in-law watched, flustered and embarrassed, as he fumbled with the tools, unable to keep up.
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