According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
His Late Wife Left Him a Final Letter – The Secret Inside Led Him to a Paternity Test
Ten months after his wife passed away, a widower found the strength to open the last letter she wrote for him before she died. After reading her heartbreaking confession, he quickly decided to take a paternity test.
On November 29, 2021, a sad widower found comfort in the “Off My Chest” subreddit, sharing his deep sadness. He wasn’t looking for advice but received support from others who reminded him that it was okay to cry about what his wife had done.
The man and his wife had a happy four-year marriage. They loved their time together, and the birth of their son made them even happier. But life took a tragic turn for them.
His Late Wife’s Letter
The widower’s wife passed away ten months before he shared his story on Reddit. Heartbroken and feeling lost, he found the strength to keep going. Even in his sadness, he promised to be a caring father to his 4-year-old son.
As time went on, things began to feel a little more normal for him. His son became his whole world, and he couldn’t imagine life without their bond. During this time, he found the last letter his wife wrote for him. He had known about the letter but didn’t have the courage to read it until ten months later.
After finally reading the letter, he was in shock. It took him a long time to process what he had learned from her honest words.
In the letter, his wife revealed that she had gotten very drunk at her bachelorette party and had a one-night stand with a stranger. As a result, she became pregnant, and now he was left unsure if their son was really his, since this happened just days before their wedding.
Receiving Online Support and Putting His Life Back Together
“I am so incredibly sorry. I know how much this hurts. Your feelings are valid,” wrote one Reddit user. The widower thanked the person and said he planned to take a long drive to clear his mind and deal with his emotions.
“Driving can help. Just make sure to stay safe and enjoy the music,” another user suggested.
Meanwhile, he felt relieved to leave his son at his parents’ home but worried about how he would feel when they were together again. When his son came back home, the father was nervous about how to react.
Deep down, he loved his son, but he was scared that he would see him differently after learning the truth about his wife. When he saw his son, he quickly ran to him and hugged him tightly as if he hadn’t seen him in years. His son hugged him back, showing how happy he was to be with his dad.
The widower felt overwhelmed and almost cried in his son’s arms as he tried to come to terms with his wife’s betrayal. He was determined that his son would always be his son and that their bond would stay the same.
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