This past Sunday was supposed to be just like any other day at church—quiet, reflective, and full of reverence. However, something caught my eye during the service that I simply couldn’t ignore: a woman sitting near the front pew with bright pink hair. I was stunned. I know we live in a time where self-expression is celebrated, but I can’t help feeling like this was completely out of place in a sacred space like church. To me, church has always been about modesty and respect, not making bold fashion statements.
I tried to focus on the sermon, but the vibrant color of her hair kept pulling my attention. It wasn’t just a subtle pastel pink—it was bold, neon, the kind that makes you do a double-take. I grew up in a time where people dressed modestly for church, where muted tones and simplicity were signs of respect. Is it wrong that I feel like pink hair, especially that loud, is disrespectful in a place of worship?
After the service ended, I saw the woman standing outside, chatting with some people. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should say something, but my curiosity—and concern—got the better of me. I approached her with every intention of being polite.
“Excuse me,” I started cautiously, “I couldn’t help but notice your hair. I just wanted to share that I feel like such bright colors might not be appropriate for church.”
Her eyes widened, and for a brief moment, I thought she would apologize or at least explain. Instead, her response shocked me.
“Well, I don’t think it’s any of your business,” she replied sharply, with a slight smile that didn’t seem friendly. “I come to church to pray, not to be judged for how I look.”
I was completely taken aback. I hadn’t expected such a curt reaction. My intention wasn’t to offend her, but simply to express my feelings on what I thought was an important matter of respect for the church. However, her words left me feeling conflicted. Had I overstepped?
Now, I’m really struggling with this situation. I’ve always believed that there should be certain standards when it comes to how we present ourselves in church. It’s not about suppressing individuality, but about showing respect for a space that many of us hold sacred.
Was I wrong for speaking up? Maybe I’m just being old-fashioned, but it feels like we’re losing a sense of reverence for tradition and sacred spaces. Am I the only one who feels this way? Has anyone else experienced something similar in their church?
I’d really love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think I was out of line, or is there still room for certain standards when it comes to respect in church?
Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around
A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
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