After a week away, I came home to the strange and unsettling sight of my kids sleeping on the cold hallway floor. Heart pounding, I searched for answers, only to find my husband missing and odd noises coming from the kids’ room. What I uncovered next left me furious — and ready for a fight!
I’d been away on a business trip for a week, and let me tell you, I was itching to get home. My boys, Tommy and Alex, were probably bouncing off the walls waiting for me.
I mean, a week is practically forever when you’re 6 and 8. And Mark? Well, I figured he’d be glad to hand the reins back to me. He’s a great dad, don’t get me wrong, but he’s always been more of the fun parent than the responsible one.
As I pulled into our driveway at midnight, I couldn’t help but grin. The house was dark and quiet, just as it should be at this ungodly hour.
I grabbed my suitcase and tiptoed to the front door, keys jingling softly in my hand.
The lock clicked open, and I stepped inside, ready to collapse into bed. But something was… wrong.
My foot hit something soft, and I froze. Heart pounding, I fumbled for the light switch. When the hall lit up, I almost screamed.
Tommy and Alex were sprawled out on the floor, tangled up in blankets like a couple of puppies. They were fast asleep, but their faces were smudged with dirt, and their hair was sticking up in all directions.
“What the hell?” I whispered, my mind racing. Had there been a fire? A gas leak? Why weren’t they in their beds?
I crept past them, afraid to wake them up until I knew what was going on. The living room was a disaster zone, littered with pizza boxes, soda cans, and what looked suspiciously like melted ice cream on the coffee table. But no sign of Mark.
My heart was doing the cha-cha in my chest as I made my way to our bedroom. Empty.
The bed was still made, like it hadn’t been slept in today. Mark’s car was in the driveway, so where was he?
That’s when I heard it. A faint, muffled sound coming from the boys’ room. I tiptoed over, my imagination running wild. Was Mark hurt? Had some psycho broken in and tied him up?
I pushed the door open, inch by inch, and…
“What. The. Actual—” I bit my tongue, remembering the kids were just down the hall.
There was Mark, headphones on, controller in hand, surrounded by empty energy drink cans and snack wrappers. But that wasn’t even the craziest part.
The boys’ room had been transformed into some kind of gamer paradise. A massive TV took up one wall, there were LED lights everywhere, and I’m pretty sure that monstrosity in the corner was a mini-fridge.
I stood there, mouth hanging open, as the rage built up inside me like a volcano about to blow. Mark hadn’t even noticed me yet, too engrossed in whatever game he was playing.
I stomped over and yanked the headphones off his head. “Mark! What the hell is going on?”
He blinked at me, looking dazed. “Oh, hey babe. You’re home early.”
“Early? It’s midnight! Why are our children sleeping on the floor?”
He shrugged, reaching for his controller again. “Oh, it’s fine. The boys were happy sleeping outside. They thought it was an adventure.”
I snatched the controller away. “An adventure? They’re not camping, Mark! They’re sleeping on our dirty hallway floor!”
“Come on, don’t be such a buzzkill,” he said, trying to grab the controller back. “Everything’s under control. I’ve been feeding them and stuff.”
“Feeding them? You mean the pizza boxes and ice cream in the living room?” I could feel my blood pressure rising with every word. “And what about baths? Or, I don’t know, their actual beds?”
Mark rolled his eyes. “They’re fine, Sarah. Lighten up a bit.”
That’s when I lost it.
“Lighten up? LIGHTEN UP? Our children are sleeping on the floor like animals while you play video games in their room! What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” he huffed. “I’m just trying to have a little me-time. Is that so terrible?”
I took a deep breath, trying not to scream. “You know what? We’re not doing this right now. Go put the boys in their beds. Now.”
“But I’m in the middle of—”
“NOW, Mark!”
He grumbled but got up, shuffling past me.
I watched him pick up Tommy, who stirred a little but didn’t wake up. As Mark carried him to bed, I couldn’t help but think how alike they looked: one actual child and the man acting like one.
I scooped up Alex, my heart breaking a little at how dirty his face was. As I tucked him into bed, I made a decision. If Mark wanted to act like a child, then that’s exactly how I’d treat him.
The next morning, I put my plan into action.
While Mark was in the shower, I snuck into the man cave he’d created and unplugged everything. Then I got to work.
When he came downstairs, hair still wet, I was waiting for him with a big smile. “Good morning, sweetie! I made you breakfast!”
He looked at me suspiciously. “Uh, thanks?”
I set a plate in front of him. In the middle was a Mickey Mouse-shaped pancake with a smiley face made of fruit. His coffee was in a sippy cup.
“What’s this?” he asked, poking at the pancake.
“It’s your breakfast, silly! Now eat up, we have a big day ahead of us!”
After breakfast, I unveiled my masterpiece, a giant, colorful chore chart plastered on the fridge. “Look what I made for you!”
Mark’s eyes widened. “What the hell is that?”
“Language!” I scolded. “It’s your very own chore chart! See? You can earn gold stars for cleaning your room, doing the dishes, and putting away your toys!”
“My toys? Sarah, what are you—”
I cut him off. “Oh, and don’t forget! We have a new house rule. All screens off by 9 p.m. sharp. That includes your phone, mister!”
Mark’s face went from confused to angry. “Are you kidding me? I’m a grown man, I don’t need—”
“Ah, ah, ah!” I wagged my finger. “No arguing, or you’ll have to go to the timeout corner!”
For the next week, I stuck to my guns. Every night at 9, I’d shut off the Wi-Fi and unplug his gaming console.
I even tucked him into bed with a glass of milk and read him “Goodnight Moon” in my most soothing voice.
His meals were served on plastic plates with little dividers. I cut his sandwiches into dinosaur shapes and gave him animal crackers for snacks. When he complained, I’d say things like, “Use your words, honey. Big boys don’t whine.”
The chore chart was a particular point of contention. Every time he completed a task, I’d make a big show of giving him a gold star.
“Look at you, putting your laundry away all by yourself! Mommy’s so proud!”
He’d grit his teeth and mutter, “I’m not a child, Sarah.”
To which I’d reply, “Of course not, sweetie. Now, who wants to help make cookies?”
The breaking point came about a week into my little experiment. Mark had just been sent to the timeout corner for throwing a fit about his two-hour screen time limit. He sat there, fuming, while I calmly set the kitchen timer.
“This is ridiculous!” he exploded. “I’m a grown man, for God’s sake!”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Are you sure about that? Because grown men don’t make their children sleep on the floor so they can play video games all night.”
He deflated a little. “Okay, okay, I get it! I’m sorry!”
I studied him for a moment. He did look genuinely remorseful, but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook when I had one last blow to deliver.
“Oh, I accept your apology,” I said sweetly. “But I’ve already called your mom…”
The color drained from his face. “You didn’t.”
Right on cue, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to reveal Mark’s mother, looking every bit the disappointed parent.
“Mark!” she bellowed, marching into the house. “Did you really make my sweeties sleep on the floor so you could play your little games?”
Mark looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. “Mom, it’s not… I mean, I didn’t…”
She turned to me, her face softening. “Sarah, dear, I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I thought I raised him better than that.”
I patted her arm. “It’s not your fault, Linda. Some boys just take longer to grow up than others.”
Mark’s face was beet red. “Mom, please. I’m 35 years old!”
Linda ignored him, turning back to me. “Well, not to worry. I’ve cleared my schedule for the next week. I’ll whip this boy back into shape in no time!”
As Linda bustled off to the kitchen, muttering about the state of the dishes, I caught Mark’s eye. He looked utterly defeated.
“Sarah,” he said quietly. “I really am sorry. I was selfish and irresponsible. It won’t happen again.”
I softened a little. “I know, honey. But when I’m away, I need to know you’ve got things under control. The boys need a father, not another playmate.”
He nodded, looking ashamed. “You’re right. I’ll do better, I promise.”
I smiled and gave him a quick kiss. “I know you will. Now, why don’t you go help your mother with the dishes? If you do a good job, maybe we can have ice cream for dessert.”
As Mark trudged off to the kitchen, I couldn’t help but feel a little smug. Lesson learned, I hoped. And if not… well, I still had that timeout corner ready and waiting.
A History of Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman’s Playful Feud — As the Wolverine Actor Turns 56 Today!
The’ Deadpool & Wolverine’ costars and musketeers have kept up their funny faux feud over the times
Hugh Jackman turns 56 moment, and what better way to celebrate than to take a walk down memory lane and examine the history of his” feud” with pal Ryan Reynolds?
Way before they teamed up to make Deadpool & Wolverine, Jackman revealed the onsets of their frequently-hysterical dynamic in a 2020 interview with The Daily Beast.
” It’s gone back so long now God, this is a classic sign where your feud has gone too long, where you do not indeed know why or how it started,” he said.
More lately, when they saw one another on the set of Deadpool & Wolverine, “ You came over and you went,’ Steve!'” Jackman recalled in a PEOPLE cover story, in which he and Reynolds, 47, interview one another about their 17- time fellowship. Added Reynolds playfully, “ Greg? No, don’t tell me.”
As we celebrate the actor who perfected the part of Wolverine to a tee, then’s a timeline of the ongoing feud and badinage between Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds.
1. Scarlett Johansson might have had an unwitting hand in starting it.
Jackman told The Daily Beast it was Scarlett Johansson who might have started the feud, though he admitted to having trouble flashing back the origins at first.
The actor explained how he started teasing Reynolds over his recent( at the time) marriage to Johansson, 39. The two were married from 2008 to 2011 before Reynolds wed now- woman
Blake Lively in 2012.
“ I used to ream him because I was veritably close musketeers with Scarlett, and Scarlett had just married Ryan, so when he came on set I was like, ‘ Hey, you more be on your stylish behavior then, confidante, because I’m watching,’ and we started roasting each other that way, and also it all escalated with the Deadpool thing and him calling me out, and trying to manipulate me through social media to do what he wanted, ” Jackman explained.
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He putatively made their feud public in 2015 when he posted a videotape on his Instagram of Reynolds impersonating him — Australian accentuation and all — in his Deadpool makeup.
2. The feud originally substantially concentrated on Reynolds’ desire to make a Deadpool/ Wolverine film.
Since that time, Jackman and Reynolds, who met on the set of 2009’sX-Men Origins Wolverine, have continued their public trolling and set up ways to poke fun at one other on social media.
In January 2017, Reynolds made it clear he wanted to make a mashup movie featuring his Deadpool character with Jackman’s Wolverine.
Unfortunately for the Free Guy actor, Jackman hung up his Wolverine claws just months latterly in March with the release of Logan, his putatively final incursion as the ridiculous- book mutant. But that didn’t stop Reynolds, whose Deadpool & Wolverine dreams are now coming true.
“ I’ve no idea if I can change his mind, ” Reynolds told Variety of Jackman at the time. “ It’s the followership I would simply exploit that relationship to get Hugh back for another bone. ”
He echoed his statements to Entertainment Weekly latterly, saying, “ What we’re gonna have to do is move Hugh. However, I’m going to need to do what I can to get my internet musketeers back on board to help rally another cause down the line, If anything. ”
As Jackman told Variety, “ I’m scrupling. I could completely see how that’s the perfect fit. But the timing may be wrong. ”
3. Their capers have gauged times and included Christmases, birthdays and live performances.
Jackman and Reynolds have combed each other during the leaves and on each other’s birthdays.
Playing up on their hypercritically negative relationship in April 2018, Jackman tried to record a birthday communication for a addict on Twitter, only to be intruded by Reynolds’ Deadpool. As the actor started to record his well- wishes, Reynolds began singing in the background.
“ When you’re trying to record a sincere birthday communication. but are intruded by the least topmost showman, ” Jackman wrote on Twitter.
detracted by the song, he condemned the camera over to show Reynolds lying on a hostel bed in his full Deadpool costume, begirding “ hereafter” from Annie.
“ Don’t give him too important attention, ” Jackman said in the clip.
For Reynolds’ 42nd birthday, the brace had another ridiculous exchange on social media. Given the nature of their relationship, Jackman naturally celebrated his friend’s big day by trolling him.
“ Because I’m told that I AM THE NICEST joe and you’re NOT.@VancityReynolds I’ll let you clinch me. Just this formerly. On your birthday, ” he wrote alongside a picture of the brace embracing each other.
Reynolds snappily responded with a false claim. “ This man is a monster, ” he wrote. “ He’s not indeed from Australia. He’s from Milwaukee. ”
4. The brace putatively called a armistice.
In February 2019, Reynolds and Jackman announced on their respective social- media accounts that their friendly feud had officially come to an end.
As a way to mend their “ broken relationship, ” the two actors revealed their plans to make ads for each other’s companies — Reynolds’ Aviation Gin, Jackman’s Laughing Man Coffee — and, of course, each expected to out- do the other.
“ Official truce with@realhughjackman! ” Reynolds wrote alongside a black- and- white snapshot of the pair smiling as they shook hands. “ As a gesture of goodwill, I’m gonna make a beautiful ad for his company, Laughing Man Coffee. Can’t wait! ”
Jackman shared the same photo, captioning it, “ Official truce! I’m going to make the most amazing ad for Aviation Gin. And, look forward to seeing what@vancityreynolds comes up with in return. ”
Reynolds laterre-posted the same photo on his Instagram Stories from another user but it was edited to include a grenade in their hands, a pin from the explosive weapon in Reynolds’ mouth, and Jackman’s Wolverine claw behind his back in the mirror.
The spoof shot was captioned by Reynolds, “ Look closely. ”
5. They reignited their feud just months later.
It appears the two just could n’t stay away. That August, Reynolds and Jackman reignited the feud when the latter injured his hand during his one- man tour The Man. The Music. The Show.
“ The first time I’ve played#wolverine and, actually bled. Clearly, it’s@vancityreynolds fault, ” Jackman wrote over an image of a scratch on his knuckle. The bit reportedly included jokes about Reynolds and Jackman playing Wolverine.
Reynolds commented, “ I just do n’t think you’ve been practicing enough. ”
In 2020, Jackman wished his now- ex, Deborra- lee Jackman, a happy 24th anniversary in a heartfelt social- media communication.
“ These 24 times have been the stylish of my life! And, as far as I can see, we keep getting better, ” the actor identified a fogy image of himself and Deborra- lee, 68. “ I love you Debs with every fiber of my soul. Happy anniversary.# 24 ″
Reynolds used the anniversary post as an occasion to continue his ridiculous feud with Jackman. “ Hang in there, Deb, ” he teased in the commentary section on Instagram.
6. The jokes have expanded to include footwear.
Back in October 2021, Reynolds marked Jackman’s 53rd birthday by trolling theX-Men actor with a TikTok videotape of his socks which were published with Jackman’s face on them.
” Look I do not tell you how to celebrate Hugh Jackman’s birthday. So do not tell me,” he wrote, adding in the caption,” Socks to be Hugh.”
Jackman reposted Reynolds’ TikTok on his Instagram runner and addressed it in a videotape of his own, in which he thanked musketeers and suckers for their birthday wishes.
” I know there is been a lot of dispatches about Ryan’s post — him wearing socks with my face on them and wondering where you can get them,” the actor added, joking,” You can not get them anywhere because he made them himself, he stitched them himself.”
Jackman continued,” I know, it’s just really sad. But anyway, I guess you could ask him, he might darn you a brace or give you the bones he is been wearing.”
7. The actors have given true props to one another but the jokes are no way far out.
Jackman said that” a lot of people come up to” him talking about Reynolds.
” And I say,’ Shut up, I am not interested,'” he added, to which Reynolds responded with a laugh,” That tracks.”
But in soberness, Jackman told Reynolds that he believes him speaking about his experience with anxiety,” takes courage,” and has” helped a lot of people.”
And for Reynolds, the key to their fellowship, in part, is that they” calculate on each other for the real kind of advice that you want.”
8. Their friendly feud might have to do with Sexiest Man Alive.
During a common appearance on The View to promote Deadpool & Wolverine, the former Sexiest Man Alive titleholders recreated their covers after panelist Sara Haines suggested their beef might involve” contending covers.”
” Do not bring it up. We have done a lot of remedy,” Jackman fitted . still, he added that when the brace catch up, they” assume the disguise.”
” What am I doing there?” Reynolds asked of his cover before trying to casually lean back.” That is not comfortable.”
When John Legend was blazoned as PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive in 2019, Jackman complimented the songster with a silly Instagram videotape exhibiting his own cover to a dismissive Reynolds.
” 99 of the time, People Magazine gets it right,” Jackman wrote in the caption before playfully dissing Reynolds.” But a word of caution. There’s the 1. exhibition A.”
9. They indeed beef in promotional material outside of Deadpool & Wolverine.
When Jackman took to social media to advertise a series of 12 musicales, named” From New York, with Love,” Reynolds naturally had to join him after their lengthy press stint.
Sitting on the same settee Reynolds used to reveal Jackman’s return as Wolverine, The Greatest Showman star unveiled his Radio City Music Hall shows before asking Reynolds if he wanted to come.
The Deadpool actor asked if he’d be a part of Jackman’s show, to which the star jokingly replied,” Absolutely!” to the camera, as he quietly signaled else.
” This is my time,” he rumored.
Following a loud montage of Jackman explaining his show and Reynolds putatively offering suggestions, Reynolds concluded,” I am not going to be in it?”
” On stage, no. But in my heart, yeah,” Jackman answered, stipulating that he needs his friend in the followership —( maybe indeed further down) and not in the factual show.
” It’s going to be the most amazing tech trial you have ever, ever been to,” Jackman joked.
” I have won the fellowship lottery,” Reynolds said with an undecided laugh.
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