A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Pregnant Taxi Driver Takes a Homeless Man to the Hospital, Next Morning She Sees a Motorcade of SUVs Outside Her Window
On a rainy night, a very pregnant taxi driver stops to help a homeless, injured stranger, offering him a free ride to the hospital. But the next morning, she wakes to find a convoy of SUVs outside her house, with suited men waiting to share a truth that would change her life forever.
Cleo had been driving taxis for two years, and by now, she’d seen it all: late-night partiers stumbling home, families racing to catch flights, and remorseful businessmen smelling of cocktails and secrets. She’d heard countless stories, dried her fair share of tears, and learned to read people before they even stepped into her cab.
As she navigated the foggy streets, her back ached, and her unborn baby’s kicks pressed against her ribs—a reminder that her night shifts were becoming unbearable. But bills didn’t stop for anyone, so she whispered to her belly, “Just a few more hours, love. Then we can go home to Chester.” She imagined her orange tabby, Chester, sprawled on her pillow at home, shedding fur everywhere as her only true companion.
Her mind drifted back to the heartbreak she’d endured only five months ago. She had excitedly shared the news of her pregnancy with her husband, Mark, only to learn he’d been unfaithful with his secretary, Jessica, who was also expecting. Within weeks, Mark left and drained their bank account, leaving Cleo to work endless shifts to provide for the baby alone.
Late one night, just three weeks before her due date, Cleo’s attention was caught by a lone figure struggling along the highway’s shoulder, drenched by the rain. Even from afar, he looked injured and desperate. He staggered in tattered clothes, one arm held to his chest as he dragged himself forward. Cleo knew she should keep driving, especially at eight months pregnant, but her instincts overruled caution. Rolling down her window, she called out, “Are you okay? Need help?” The stranger, visibly shaken and bloody, pleaded, “I just need to get somewhere safe.”
Without hesitation, Cleo unlocked her doors, and he collapsed into the backseat. She quickly realized they were being followed as headlights flooded her mirror. The stranger urged her to drive faster, and Cleo’s adrenaline kicked in, navigating the winding streets with the skill of a seasoned driver. Finally, she lost the trailing car and brought her passenger to the hospital. As he thanked her, she thought little of her good deed, returning home exhausted and ready for a quiet morning.
But that morning was anything but quiet. Cleo awoke to the rumble of engines outside and peeked out her window to see a dozen sleek black SUVs lining her street. Men in suits formed a perimeter around her home, and Cleo’s heart raced, wondering if she’d unwittingly helped a criminal the night before. Opening the door cautiously, she was met by a man in an expensive suit who introduced himself as James, head of security for the Atkinson family.
“Last night, you helped their son, Archie,” he explained. The name Atkinson meant little to Cleo until she realized they were the Atkinsons—the billionaire family with a tech empire. Their son had been kidnapped three days earlier, and the ransom set at 50 million dollars. She had saved Archie on the side of the road without knowing it.
Archie explained, “They moved me last night, and I saw my chance to escape. But I wouldn’t have made it without you. I owe you everything.” His father, overcome with gratitude, handed Cleo an envelope with a check that made her knees nearly give out.
“Please, sir, this is too much,” she stammered, but Mr. Atkinson insisted, “It’s a small thank you for saving our son.” He glanced at her belly and added gently, “No child should enter this world with a mother who has to worry about providing.” Tears filled her eyes as Archie leaned forward, proposing that she lead a new community safety initiative for their family’s foundation—an effort to foster more people like her, who aren’t afraid to help.
As Cleo accepted their offer and watched the convoy leave, she felt an unfamiliar lightness, the burdens of the past few months finally lifting. She glanced down at her belly and whispered, “Did you hear that, little one? Mommy’s night job just got a big upgrade. And we did it by just being human.”
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